Let me preface this entry by saying: Being yourself is NOT an excuse for refusing to grow. Part of becoming the person you're meant to be means not always being comfortable with yourself. You must seek change and avoid complacencies if you want to do better and become better. You must recognize areas of
optimal change and take
action to start the
journey of refining and defining your life and who you want to be.
So let me define some terms in that last sentence I feel are significant:
Optimal Change - Areas that, if changed, will bring the most fulfillment out of your life.
This does NOT mean easy. Change isn't change if it doesn't cost you something. The more you invest, the more you sacrifice, the more you put into your change, the more you will get out of it. It's an investment with exponential reward. Give a little, get a little. Give up a lot, get a lot. I'm not saying that smaller areas of change are not significant. While they're important, sometimes we get stuck in a rut and aren't willing to change something greater. Lets face it, we like comfort and the longer we're comfortable, the harder it is to get out of that big, fluffy La-Z-Boy recliner that represents our comfort zones. Areas of optimal change will be the most difficult areas to change and knowing that you're capable of conquering them will bring you immense encouragement, energy, and enthusiasm to tackle more. So start with one. What's the one thing that you would like to change right now?
Action - Not only do you need to invest in change, but you have to take steps to see it through. Action does NOT necessarily mean dramatic.
Action simply means movement. Are you moving towards your goal? It can be something small that works its way into something larger. The important thing here is that you're beginning to create new
habits. Habits rarely appear over night in a way that maintains consistency in our lives. Not only do you need to take action to change, but you need to take action to prevent sliding back down to your starting point. What's going to trip you up? What is going to slow you down or discourage you away from your goal? Stay away from these areas. I'll take that one step further,
FLEE. Turn around and run as fast as you can away from anything that you know has a tendency to bring you back to a place you're trying to move away from. You know more than anyone the red flags in your life. Take them seriously.
Journey - Lastly, this is a journey. Journey implies a road being traveled upon. It's not a line drawn in the sand where you instantaneously jump from one side of the line to the other. Change is a road you must walk down, it takes time, and it takes
patience. Be patient with yourself, don't become discouraged and know that no matter where you are in the journey, you're not who you once were. You're changing.
Journey also doesn't mean lonely. Not only are you not the sole person to have walked the road you're on, but there are people willing and wanting to come along side you, to support you, encourage you, and give you advice. So bring people with you. This is not a race. It's you on a path, not you competing with 10+ other people on a race track to see who can finish first.
Your speed of change does not enhance the worth of your achievements. In fact, it can hinder them. Speed can cause you to overlook areas that need healing or extra work in order for you to have a full transformation. Additionally,
journey does not mean end. Just because you've changed, doesn't mean you're done changing. Just because you've overcome obstacles in your life, doesn't mean you won't see them again. Keep looking forward, never stop, and always remember where you've been. Either you'll have to conquer exact or similar obstacles, or you'll need to help someone else conquer theirs along their own journey.
Who I Am : Why I Want To Change
(Saying "you" in these next few statements really means I'm talking to myself. Giving myself a talking to or pep talk, per se. However, if you decide these apply to you, too, then feel free to agree with or define your own reasons for change.)
When I say, "Who I am," I say that term very loosely. These things are not so much who I am, but more so things that are a part of me,
presently. Who I am now is nowhere near who I
want to be. This is simply to say that I want to change. I want to identify areas in my life in which I want to take action to begin a journey of growth and wisdom. Feel free to join in with me, to walk along side me on my journey, or let this help you along the way of your own.
- I cuss : I believe intelligent people can come up with better words to use than cuss words. While many (including myself at times) claim that often there are no better words for a situation, there are. Maybe you just need to get yourself out of that situation.
- I'm self-conscious : Since when did we start making assumptions of what others think of us? Where do we get all these negative thoughts that tear us down? Forget about others needing to do it, I think we're our own worst bully. We know just the buttons to push to make our confidence and self-worth disintegrate before our eyes into a pile of unrecognizable ashes. Yet for what? What could possibly be the purpose or benefit of doing such damage to ourselves? Exactly. There are no reasons. Yet we do it. Quit poking holes into who you are or you, and you alone, will be responsible for your own demise.
- I have sex : This is not something I'm proud of. The more you have sex, the more people you have sex with, the less you value sex and its meaning and purpose. I think anyone could agree with me when I say, the more you say 'yes' the even more difficult it becomes to say 'no'. Not only that, but you're not married to these people. Think about it, if you've had sex with someone who now happens to be getting married or is married to someone else other than you...you've had sex with that person's spouse. That makes me feel dirtier than just about anything. Looking at someone's wife and thinking to myself, I've ___(fill in the blank) with your husband...I've been intimate in ways that only you should be privy to, with your husband. It makes me feel like the "other woman". It's not right.
- I'm quiet : Many times we use the excuse, "I'm just quiet" or "I'm just shy" to avoid situations in which we need to speak up for ourselves or a situation. I often find myself using this excuse when I'm around people I don't know. I shut down and am "just the shy one of the group". False. Anyone who knows me well knows that I'm not shy. This is just a way for me to put up a guard in a situation that makes me uncomfortable. I think many times this can tie into being self-conscious, which isn't always bad, but don't degrade yourself or put yourself down when you have absolutely no backbone justifying a reason to do so. Even then, confidence is sexy (not cocky, there is a line).
- I use people : To a point, I think we all do this. We use others to get ahead or to benefit ourselves, and it's not always a conscious act. We're not always going out to purposely trample others for our own gain. Yet it can be so subtle that we barely notice when it's happening. You all know the areas in which you influence and manipulate others to get ahead, so start recognizing when you do. Recognize triggers, stressors, or what ever it is that makes you desire this route of action, and do something to steer yourself elsewhere. Manipulation may seem the easier route, but whenever you finally get to where you're trying to go, look around. You'll be the only one standing there.
- I like cats : I say this to only bring up the point that many of us make decisions based on what everyone else thinks or the decisions someone else has made. It can be as simple as liking dogs over cats (or vice versa), to something of much higher importance. Part of developing who you are is taking ownership of the choices you make, the sides of issues you stand on, and the beliefs you hold true. Stop waiting for someone else to carve the way for you, fearing rejection or opposition. You're simply living someone else's life doing that. Live your own life and make your own decisions; don't cheat yourself and look at someone else's answers. Who ever said they were right? One person's belief isn't always held by another. Truth cannot be determined by majority.
While this is a very limited list of things I would like to change, I hope it has shed some light on areas in your own life that you see fit to change.
If you have any questions or comments that you would like a response to, please comment at any time or email me at walkauthentic@gmail.com and I'll try to answer them for you. This is a journey I want us to take together.
